how to get your teenager to wear dresses

One of my co-workers has been sharing her heartbreaking story of her middle school daughter who has been expressing great interest in becoming a boy.  She bought books and has been obsessed with the idea of being a transgender.  I try to calm her down with thoughts that this is just a phase and that she should try not to react to her daughter's ideas, no matter how ridiculous they are.  Although, she should listen or at least have her daughter understand that she is listening to her.  Also, I suggested that she makes the situation less uncomfortable by giving the child a chance to think it through.  Perhaps, she can say that until she finished high school or turns 18, they will not push for the idea of being transgender.  That would allow her some time to grow up and gain maturity, without having felt that she's being pushed aside or not being taken seriously.

I started reading other blogs and Psychology Today articles on how to deal with this identity crisis or so-called middle school / puberty stage.  I have a 3 year old daughter and one day I might end up in the same situation.  There are a lot of studies that link daughter's success to their relationship with their father.  Our daughters are born with innate instincts and personality (emotional, mental, physical, spiritual, psychological) of a female.  However, the other half of their development comes from their father - the male figure.  They have the authoritarian, disciplinarian, strong, and masculine influence that they can teach their daughters by building a healthy relationship with them.  There is so much more to it and watching successful, happy women talk about their fathers are great proof that it's really important to have a good father-daughter relationship.

My recent find in encouraging daughters to act more or dress up more like girls is to be a positive model for them.  If they see their mother as a pleasant person who have good relationship with other people, then they would want to be like her.  When your daughter has an idea that sounds like bad news, it's important that you don't react negatively.  Instead, just listen and say "let's give that idea some time and we'll talk about it more soon."  Don't tell them "No. That's awful!" etc.

You can slowly encourage their interest in trying out dresses by introducing them to different styles and patterns.  There are loud dresses and there are minimalist ones.  There are modern and edgy and there are simple and casual ones.  Take your daughter window shopping and have her help you pick a dress for you.  Tell her you need to start wearing dress at work or for a special occasion.
CAUTION: while shopping for your dress, NEVER ask your daughter to try on a dress or say that she should wear a dress.  This step is for her to "discover" herself and her preferences in patterns.  Kids are smart.  If she gets any hint that you're doing this to trick her into wearing a dress, she will shut down completely and not care.  She will randomly point dresses without even looking at it.  It might basically be the end of it.

While looking at dresses, pay attention to the colors and patterns and styles that are appealing to her and what she likes on you.  Maybe she just likes it plain - black, gray, and white.  Maybe she likes it straight, no figure or curves.  Maybe she doesn't like silky ones and prefer cotton dresses.  Try her picks and have her decide on what to get - whether or not you like it.  Remember, this experience is for her and not for you.  You can just get one dress just to get the ball rolling.  Also, pay attention to the ones that she's okay with and ones that she completely hates.  When you get your next dress or next time you go shopping, try to focus on those "okay" styles & patterns.  Basically, you want to surround her with dress styles and patterns that are appealing to her by having you wear couple of different dresses a week, in the beginning.  Then, experiment with mix-and-matching styles and dresses and skirts later on, say four days a week.

Another thing to keep in mind is that there might be other underlying issues that's making your daughter not want to be a girl.  Maybe she's insecure of her body or she may have self-esteem problems.  Other kids probably made fun of her in a dress and the experience made her feel terrible.  Try to have conversations with her by asking simple questions and letting her talk about it.  Ask her how dresses make her feel or what is it about dresses that she doesn't like.  But, again, do not talk about her and dresses when you're out shopping for your dress :)

Throughout this experience, have fun!  Fun will add into the success of your goal and make that quality time spent with your daughter more wonderful and memorable.  After some time and your daughter just won't wear a dress, then just accept and love her for who she is and be thankful that you got to know her more.

2015 Wrap Up

     It seems that my day to day finally became a year to day after not being able to blog for more than a year.  It has been an interesting year with more lifestyle changes, decision-making, and adjustments to keep up with two growing, rambunctious toddlers.  Sad that I didn't get to travel or run as much in 2015.  I tried to organize a 5k run with the ribbon-cutting ceremony of a new underpass by my work.  We started coordinating in April and they didn't give me a date until 10 days before the event in December.  I still tried to pull it off but between holiday parties, people on vacation, and lack of enough notice to participants, it was just too impossible.   So, I decided to reschedule it Spring of 2016 to make it a community event.  I wanted it to be successful in hope that it may become an annual event that will be sponsored by our work union (which I am now a newly-elected secretary) and other neighboring businesses in Richmond by the marina.

    One major decision we made in November 2015 is to move closer to work to avoid the hour work commute (each way).  We were hoping it will let us spend more quality time with the children.  We decided to rent out our two-story home and move into a small 3-bedroom, 1-bath home.  We had to get rid of a lot of our furniture and things by selling them and donating some since our smaller home does not have as much space.  It's sad to let go of my reclining couch and huge dining table set.  Those were the first furniture I purchased when I was still single and living in the first home I purchased at Hilltop in Richmond.  I don't have that house anymore.  I still don't know why I decided to let it go.  I was pregnant with my second child then and I didn't want to manage it.  I should have hired a property manager instead.  Lesson learned.  I love that place.  I always think about it when I feel too overwhelmed with kids and marriage life.

    Now, we're back in Richmond and I'm not sure if moving closer to work improved our lifestyle as much.  My family is farther and we don't see them as often.  They used to come over and help us clean the house or watch the kids.  The cost of living in this area is much higher.  The Montessori school our kids go to have 5 total weeks a year (excluding holidays) of no school.  We had to take vacation time to take care of the kids.  Also, the quality of learning they now have is nothing compared to their previous preschool in Martinez.  I feel like they're not learning as much and not making any friends.  I can't even think about elementary school since the elementary schools in our area are very low-scoring.  There are a lot of crazy drivers and I just hope that our neighborhood is safe enough.  It's also sad to not see my kids play in the yard with their bikes and to see my plants doing poorly with the cold weather.  I'm looking forward to moving again, hopefully, in a few months.  Maybe we'll move back to Martinez...

How To Run A Half Marathon With No Training

I was so happy to finish the SF Nike Women's Half Marathon last weekend - Sunday, October 19, 2014. I didn't even think I'll be able to finish. I've trained with Team in Training (TNT) and run a full marathon and my first half marathon two years ago (2012). Since then, I stopped running after I got pregnant with our second child.  I started running again after my maternity leave, which was beginning of this year.  From January to April of this year, I was running at least once a week.  After my last 5k race in April, I got so tied up with so many things at work, kids getting sick (and later I get sick), and all the cycles that you go through with motherhood.  I keep on putting it off until the final week came up on my calendar.  And when it rains, it pours!  The week of the half marathon, got sick (caught the bug that got my daughter sick the week before) and lost my voice, my period came, and all my attempts to even run for 3-5 miles didn't happen.  I looked at the race course and all I see are hills!  But, I'm a TNT alumni and I take into heart that this is a Nike (the winged goddess of victory) event.  Also, I had so much fun on my last Nike marathon that I have faith that this will be another fun event with DJs and music and cheers and chocolate mile along the way!

So, here is how you I survived this half marathon without any training the past 6 months.  I think I've put on a few pounds since then, too.

• Sign up for a FUN half marathon, like SF Nike Women's Half.  They have music and cheers and all kinds of treats to look forward to in the course. They have everything covered as far as water stations and first aid tents. 
• Do a lot of mental preparation.  Familiarize yourself with the route and try to visualize yourself getting through each mile.
• Carbo-load the night before.
• In the morning, have a good breakfast (banana, peanut butter sandwich, chocolate milk, energy bar, whatever is good for your muscles.  Hydrate with water and electrolytes.
• Take advil before the race (the first aid station recommends 600 but I only took one 200 tab).
• If you're sick, take Robitussin Dm for your cough.
• Take Gu for extra energy.
• If you can sneak in the early heat, go for it.  It will get you to run with less crowd and buy you more time, in case you have a harder time running.
• Start slow and pace yourself.  Listen to your body and monitor your heart rate.  You don't want to black out.
• When you're feeling pain, stop and stretch. 
• If it's a side pain, take deep breaths while resting and drink more electrolytes.
• If it's knee pain, do different kind of stretches for couple of minutes. 
• Take another advil if you have to.
• If recovering from a really bad pain, start by walking for 3 minutes before running again.  Again, when the pain strikes, slow down and attend to it.
• If you're not confident enough that you'll finish, walk the hills and save your energy for later.  Downhills are great for making up your time.
• To get you going, aim small.  First to mile 1, then to end of 5k, then to the bottom of the hill, then to that walker that you're about to pass, then to the cheer station, then to the next water stop, then aim for a certain time to finish mile so and so... Next thing you know, you'll be in mile 13 and just have to run hard to 0.1 mile finish line!
• After the race, attend to your pain - ice bath, stretch as long as possible, roller-roller-roller! Rest and refuel!  Enjoy your Tiffany necklace (or medal) and look forward to your next race!

everyday am shuffling

There are days when I can't help think about how messed up is the structure of the modern society.  I think about days past of people spending lazy afternoons visiting friends or relatives, drinking tea, chatting, reading, or just doing something they enjoy - like riding horses, gardening, painting, or any sort of hobbies.  Why is it that I'm only seeing that in movies nowadays?  Today, it's an everyday battle to make time to take care of your health and spend quality time with family and friends.  I feel like I'm slowly being programmed by the system and the whole work force to be a workaholic.

Fresh out of college, I didn't really care much about top dollars and my career.  Work was just a means to get some spending money so I can go out with my friends, travel, and enjoy life.  Of course I care about my work performance and establishing a good career and all of that.  But, I was having a lot of fun!  I used to tell myself that I will not be one of those people who works too much and takes things too seriously that they can't even spare a minute to chat.

I'm now starting to feel what I was afraid of - being assimilated into this whole career, work, and pay as being central.  Is this just a phase?  Is it part of maturity or is it a natural thing?  My biggest fear is being a workaholic who spends too much time at work (and even brings it home) and having my kids suffer through the consequence of not having a mother who nurture them well. 

Right now, I'm on my mid-30s and I can still catch myself whenever I feel like I'm not living and that I've stopped dreaming and planning for what matters most in life - having the world as my playground.  I always play with choreography in my head for some dance music on the radio while I listen on my commute.  And I wonder how I can be strong enough for pole dancing tango.  My bucket list goes on and on from just learning spanish, to auditioning for some tv show (like american ninja :) ), to mission work, etc.  I have so much that I want to do with my life that every time I see some famous, rich celebrity dies young - I can't help but realize how short life can be.  With all the stress and poor nutrition in today's world, what could be my actual life expectancy?  I don't want to be in my dying bed thinking of how much time I've devoted working and saving up for a retirement that I would barely see.
 
And the society is full of stupid rules that people make up to make you spend more and eventually - work more!  I don't like to live my life around stupid rules and follow some trends.  I like to listen on my own gut feeling on what's right and natural.  I know that I have enough wisdom to have good judgement, except when I'm so exhausted for all the daily shuffling.  I know that I need to laugh to breath.  That I can't keep time still so, I have to take each moment like it's the last.

People will never be happy for me.  Especially when they're dictated by all the books they've read and fads they've seen.  That who I am just doesn't make sense to anyone who've never live the life that I lived and seen the world through my eyes.  I would be fine with that, if only they would stop forcing me to fit in a shape that's not mine.

I'm more afraid of the challenges that my children would face in the future - a system that does not prioritize health and education.  What's the point of working too much, paying high taxes, and high cost of living when you can't even get a good, safe school for your kids?  Every time we eat out, I'm always having a hard time deciding where I can find cooked healthy meals that's not loaded with salt and/or preservative. I mean, you can only have so much salad and fruits and warm food is good for your soul.  But, not all places cook real green vegetables!  And what will communities be like someday when young people these days are getting too comfortable locked in their bedrooms in front of screens of entertainment devices?  Are we going to be extinct from lack of social contact or evolve into robots?

Yes - my dilemma is all about improving the quality of life and it's probably the least important to someone in the third world country who doesn't even have clean water, food, medicine, or a home.  Some are even living in the perils of war and drugs or human trafficking.  That's where another flaw or society comes in - we can't even reach out to them easily to come to their aid - after all the grand technology and globalization there is in today's world.  Seriously, why?!

the Bible - a Lent project

I usually try to commit on doing a personal project or offering for Lent each year - may it be a simple volunteer work or donation, to fasting, to a prayer tshirt project - which was the last thing I did couple of years ago, before I had our 2nd child.  This year, I wanted to revisit and finally finish reading and reflecting on the Bible from cover to cover.  I've attempted it many times but failed to really understand what I was reading. I hope that in a year's time, I would make a tremendous progress on this project.

I usually get into a deep religious conversation with one of my co-workers, who is a devoted Ethiopian Orthodox.  His faith can move mountains but I feel that it's too rigid at times. I do admire his dedication.  He always reads the scriptures, fasts, and attends a 3-hour+ service on Sundays - on their feet, standing up - the entire time! I told him that I would probably faint if I attend their service.  He also told me that there are about 15 books that was not translated and put in the Bible. So, I guess I wouldn't actually be able to read the entire scriptures.  Maybe I'll find those 15 books translated in google :)

Reading the Bible is very engaging but some of the stories (like those that involve adultery, killing, and abuse) can make you sick on your stomach.  I have to admit that I can't help question what's in the Bible as I read. I do have doubts and still not sure where my faith stands - as far as the stories told.  I just feel that God is more open-minded, forgiving, reasonable, and not as serious :) I always talk to God on my prayers and I always think of Him as someone who is cool and friendly, whom I can tell my deepest secret and worst offense without worrying about going to hell or getting punished. In my heart, I know Him and feel His presence in my life and I'm happy with that.  I continue seeking His meaningful message from different places to feed my soul, tune up my ways, and to continue to grow.  It's easy to start feeling comfortable with ourselves and fall into bad practice, without knowing.

I found this book, A Prayer Journal by Flannery O'Connor, and suddenly, I felt like someone finally put into words what I usually find myself thinking, wishing, or feeling when in prayers.  It writes beautifully what goes through our head as we worship. "She craves artistic mastery and is desperate to get close to the divine, two congruent ambitions... What we see in these pages is a writer on the cusp of creative achievement, a pilgrim with a fierce and hungry heart." - Cathleen Medwick. I can't wait to read more.

it's a working mom's world

Back at work from maternity leave and struggling to get things together between work, taking care of the kiddos, and myself.  Two babies later, I have a deep appreciation of personal time.  I can't even go to the bathroom without wondering what my 2-yr old is up to and praying he's not putting the blanket over his 4-month old sister.  But they are the most precious thing to me and it's like falling in love all over again.  You will make all the sacrifices and more in exchange of just knowing that they are safe, healthy, and happy.  Okay... the slobbery kisses, hugs, and darnest things they say make a lot of difference :)

But, everytime I look in the mirror and see those tired eyebags and how sloppy I look in the morning after restless night shifts and stumbling around, I can't help ask - "Did I make the right decisions?" I can't help but reminisce how fun it was when I was single. Everything is exactly where and how I want them to be - a squeaky, clean, organize house with minimal expenses. Nowadays, I'll be lucky to have a day without losing my eyeglasses or finding things exactly where I left them (or where they're supposed to be).  When I go shopping, I go home with mostly kids' stuff - diapers, clothes, baby gears, etc. Not to mention that daycare expenses take a huge chunk off my paycheck.

My husband does his best on being a dad. With kids, our relationship goes on a side line. We manage to escape for a short day trip on special occasions. But, day to day becomes a matter of making it on time at work and pick ups. Night time is all about planning for what the kids will need the next day.  Makes you wonder how most marriages thrive and couples get to have a robust relationship.

I try to keep my personal interests going - ripstik, running, rollerblading, dancing, and browsing pinterest for creative ideas. I always have an eye (and ear) for investing - no matter how bad I get with some of them. I have to admit, I've made mistakes and questionable decisions in the past that I still regret. But, I get impulsive in investing and between family distractions and lack of rest, I make bad calls sometimes. But, no matter how stressful the stock market gets, I can't stay away. Just have to live with the consequence and hope that luck will be in my favor.

Any physical activities that will give me an adrenaline high is worth the pain.  I'm not too anxious with postnatal weight loss.  Although with my sister's wedding in July fast approaching, it's starting to feel like a goal I need set. 

On top of everything else, I can't help but plan my next trip or a get together hike with friends. My mind is like a training coach that won't shut up. Always asking what's next, what's best, what's on the To Do list, options, ideas, etc. Then, there's the occasional criticizing and loathing of people around you just because you need to point a finger on someone when you're having such a horrible time dealing with all these stuff. Aaargh! You see - I'm a BIG mess.

If I am to work on a resolution this year - it'll be to quiet and calm my brain and just live healthy, not worrying about expectations and retirement and saving more money. It's annoying and might not be even worth it since who knows how the economy will screw you up in the future.  They always do and the average people always pay the steepest price.  In this mess up society where the priority is NOT on things that matter (health care, education, global warming, etc) - you can see why I'm a mess.

bucket list

1. visit the modern 7 world wonders (3 more to go: Petra, Taj Mahal, and Great Wall of China)
2. do a missionary work on a third world country (health clinic, emergency respond team, sanitation)
3. train and complete my first triathlon
4. adopt a child
5. write a children's book
6. learn to be a really good singer
7. audition for a tv competition (American Idol or American Ninja :P )
8. have a great viewing of Aurora borealis (Alaska or Iceland)
9. hike Mt. Everest
10. space travel (hope it'll be much less than $250k in the future)
11. present a talk on TED on anthropological ideas to improve problems in our society

Our Baby Girl's Journey

It has been an interesting, challenging, and miraculous experience with our new baby Audrey Luisa and it was all worth it. During the first trimester, my husband and I were pretty stressed out after our initial 1st and 2nd screening turned out positive for down syndrome. It was after four months that we got a confirmatory results from non-invasive testing that it's negative for down syndrome. That was a huge relief from all the unnecessary anxiety. During those months, our son, Raphael, had fever, cold, and couple of emergency trips to the hospital (one from eating wild mushrooms in our yard and the other from a bad asthma attack). Between the first trimester morning sickness, taking care of a sick child, work commute, and work itself - I was exhausted and it only takes a few weeks until I got sick myself for almost three weeks. I had to take antibiotics, which got me worried with the baby. And then, each time I have a bad cough, I pretty much pee on my pants from having the baby push down on my bladder. Poor baby had to suffer through it, too.

On the second trimester, Raphael was still getting a fever for few days at least every other month.  Fortunately, the morning sickness went away and things got a little better.  My due date was my birthday - August  26th. I had a mixed feeling about it - happy that I'll always have our child to celebrate my birthday with in the future and 'not so thrilled' with not having my own 'special day'. I was already seeing lots of pinks and kids parties on my future birthdays.

The last couple of months were worrisome on the baby's test results. Two months before the baby is due, my OB found out that I have polyhydramnios - too much water in the amniotic sac (around the baby). So, they tested me for diabetes, which turned out negative, and put me in 30-45 minutes non-stress testing (NST) to monitor baby's heart rate and volume of liquid, twice a week! Trip to the hospital twice a week on your third trimester is very inconvenient, especially if you have to get back to work ASAP.  The last scare we had was during my 9-month ultrasound, where the screening shows that there may be problem with the size of the two of the four heart chambers and that there may be a narrowing in the baby's aorta. This is usually seen in down sydrome. If it's a real case, then the baby would have to have a heart surgery after delivery. Once again, we had a whole week of restless days and nights - worrying, praying, and just plain scared. Fortunately, the fetal echocardiogram showed that the baby is normal and the pediatric cardiologist didn't find anything wrong with the baby's heart. Thank you, Lord!

I guess, it's all this stress and anxiety that got me to labor early. I filed for maternity leave one week before the baby is due to get some down time to prepare and get things in order. But, our little girl is just ready to be with us and stop all these worries.  Tuesday, on my last week of work, the midwife told me that I'm 4cm and 80% effaced. She advised me that I shouldn't go back to work. I had an extended monitoring due to some heart rate drops on my NST. The doctor even recommend that I should get induced! Unfortunately, Raphael had another fever the day before and I really want to get home first and take care of things before getting admitted. I was glad I have a doula to talk to and put my mind in perspective. We're going to try natural birth and being induced will only put me in the likelihood of a C-section. I had a C-section before and there is a very small percent chance that the previous surgery might tear. It's a risk that I've decided to take.

 After couple of hours of monitoring and seeing the baby's heart rate stabilize, they finally let me go home. I had a good 3-4 hours at home before I actually got in active labor and checked in that afternoon. Meanwhile, I was able to take care of all the last minute paper work, phone calls (at work), our hospital bag, giving instructions to my mom on Raphael, and getting a little bit of rest.

Polyhydramnios worked on my advantage that I wasn't feeling the contractions as bad or as intense as they were. I was smooth sailing even when I was already 8 cm. It was after they rupture my water that the real pain sets in and I was delirious! It really helped to have a doula around to coach me through and offer different ways to manage the pain. I got into pushing for almost an hour but with no sign of crowning and having a "lip" blocking the baby's head, I decided to ask for some epidural. It turned out to be a wise decision. The baby was unknowingly on Right Occiput Transverse (ROT) position and I had another three hours of pushing before the doctor decided to do a vacuum-assisted delivery. The vacuum popped out of place the first try and my husband almost lost hope since the doctor would only give it three tries. It was the most painful ordeal I've ever been. I felt like it was the end of me and that I was being tear to pieces. I wish I had more epidural in my system! But, I was overjoyed to have our baby girl brought into my arms and hear her cry. It was a very monumental experience and there's this feeling of triumph that makes me feel like, "if I was able to get through this, I can get through anything".  Everyone was pretty amazed that I was able to pull through this whole journey and I find it unbelievable as well that it's more like a miracle.

Audrey Luisa was born at 38 weeks but at 8 lbs and 6 oz, I'm thankful she arrived early! She's such a sweet baby.  She sleeps a lot and got into breastfeeding easily. The past two weeks had been pretty easy taking care of her.  I'm also amazed with how his 21-month old brother, Raphael, is handling the bonding and adjusting period with the new baby in the house. He has been real great. Kinda shy at first but now, he's always asking about the baby and gets worried when he hears her cry. I'm surprisingly and happily thankful on how great things turn out to be. I've expected so much worse but things are close to perfect right now and I hope they stay this great for a while.

raising a good, happy child

Now that I'm 3-month pregnant with our 2nd child, I have very little energy left after a long day of work and commute to spend with our 14-month old boy, especially when he's tired, needy, and fuzzy. I usually let him run around the garden and watch cars and the kids riding their bikes. Some days, I even bring him to the park and at the bookstore. But, winter makes it extra challenging to find activities. So, to keep him calm and deal with his boredom, we recruit youtube nursery rhyme videos and songs - hoping that it's a good thing for him. Besides, there seems to be no TV policy in the daycare so this shouldn't hurt.

But I do realize how we can easily fall in the 'working too much' pit and start spending less quality time with the kids. There is not a day that I don't ponder on what can we do as parents to make sure that our kids would have good moral values, strong character, great personality, healthy, and happy. I've heard many stories of good parents who've had problems with their kids just because they end up hanging out with the wrong group of friends or boyfriend/girlfriend or just bad luck. And it doesn't help that we're living in a non-communal society and with very little network of relatives to seek help from.

Today, I talked to an accomplished, well-respected PhD at work and was surprised to find out that he came from such a dysfunctional family. My first question was - how did you manage to set yourself apart and become successful? He's main answer was - I spent a lot of time away from them and with other people I look up to. Looking back into my own experience, I felt like that's one thing I can totally understand. I compensate for what I can't find in my own family by hanging out at friends' house and having dinner with them and going on trips with them. As I matter of fact, it's probably one of the main things that I looked for in my previous relationships. And I was glad I did. I wish I can thank them for it.

I do hope that we'll be able to provide our kids a happy, loving home that they can be proud of.  But, even then - I would probably still encourage them to be more well-rounded and be out there to meet people from different walks of life and to surround themselves with positive influences. It's probably good for them to see both the dark and bright side of life to make a choice on how they want to shape their own. I just hope that they will be open for guidance. And that they would always have the drive to continue growing to be a better person and have the heart of a philanthropist.

Life of Pi - living with the tiger(s)

I enjoyed the Life of Pi very much on 3D. The effects really brought things to life. It made me wonder what it'll be like to spend days in the middle of the ocean - watching the skies be one with the water, witnessing the beauty of marine life, and experiencing the fluorescent glows of planktons and jellyfish. It will be quite an experience. How come I don't hear cruise ships rave about these things?

I applaud the movie for bringing religion in the spotlight as something integral to one's existence. That it's acceptable to be in any religion as long as you understand and truly believe in it. I personally think that spirituality is a lifetime quest. The answer is within each person and it's okay to have doubts and to question. That's how we grow just as we gain knowledge from examining facts.  We are gifted with wisdom to guide as through this journey. And I believe in a forgiving Father who would be happy seeing His children grow in faith than blindly accepting ritualistic ceremonies and not understand the real meaning of His Words.

What struck me the most in this movie was what the tiger represents, which is anything or anyone that you see as an obstacle in your life. I felt like I finally understood why there are people and situations in our lives that make us feel miserable. I used to think that "if only so-and-so is not in my life", "if only I have great parents" or "if only I was born to this and that" ... I would have achieved my greatest potential or would be much happier, etc.  All these wishful thinking were once what I thought would make a great difference in my life. But, I was wrong.

Everyone and everything that I despised and viewed as a hindrance in the past were all that made me who I am today. They were my inspirations and the source of my strength. There are some who made me aware of what I do NOT want myself to be. Some challenged me to prove my strength and character. Still others, kept me going - thinking that I can one day be so far away from them as possible. But, that can never happen. The lessons I learned from people and experiences would always be in my memory and they would forever be my teachers. I found the sense of gratitude, happiness, closure, and acceptance from this realization. I think I also finally learned to forgive those whom I've held grudge against. I can now honestly say that I'm proud of everyone who has been a part of my life and made it beautiful, bountiful, and meaningful.

plate half empty

Whenever people ask me why I wanted to run a marathon at this stage of my life, where between working, taking care of a baby, running the household, and managing a rental property takes most of my time, I smile and think of all the wonderful things that my training has done for me.

I lost blood when I gave birth and I'm still anemic and has low blood pressure to this day. Being a new mom is exhausting and soon enough, I have back pain and tendonitis on my wrist. Then, I'm back at work after three months and was stressed out from studying for ASCP-M exam. Fortunately, I passed! I'm pretty sure I can credit running for this, too. For keeping me sane and healthy.

Few months ago, I started exercising again so I can feel the "good pain". I miss the feeling of being sore after a good work out. Then, my husband and I hiked more to prepare for Yosemite's Half Dome. Next thing I know, I'm signing up for a marathon. These days, I'm even thinking of doing a triathlon for my next major event (maybe after kid#2). It's amazing how things just snowball into bigger and greater goals.

Initially, I just want to do it for my health and to do a fundraising with my baby - that way I can start building good karma for him. The more cancer patients I meet and stories I hear, the more I get drawn into really putting all my efforts and pulling my inspiration from raising funds to find cure for blood cancers. This whole experience has given me so much more than what I have given back. Running gave me the sense of freedom (me time), strength, energy from the feel-good adrenaline, and shaped my character and personality. I met new friends and aspire to inspire people to live healthy and R-U-N!

I'm fortunate to have a supportive family who can help me with the baby and let me have the time I need to train. Above all, I'm thankful to all the family and friends for their kindness and generosity in helping me raise funds for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. May God bless their heart :)

a run to find a cure for blood cancer

Hi folks!
I am raising funds for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS) as a participant in their Team In Training program for the Nike Women's Marathon in San Francisco on October 14, 2012. We are raising funds to help stop leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin lymphoma and myeloma from taking more lives.

I am completing this sports endurance event in honor of all individuals who are fighting blood cancers. I dedicated myself in this cause in honor of my grandfather who lost his battle with cancer in 1994. I looked up to him as if he's my own father growing up. He has the biggest heart that goes out to the poor. Now that I'm a new mom, I realized that my son and the future generation might face the same challenges in finding cure for blood cancer. I'm also running on behalf of our honorees and in memory of those who have found peace. You would be inspired by their stories and commitment to find the cure. Whenever I think I just can't run anymore, I think of them and of how our fundraising can help finance the search for cure and give more hope to those who are affected by blood cancers.

This cause is for everyone who understands why we are in a race with time in finding a cure and how it can save lives. Success cannot be achieved without work and we can't work towards our mission without funding. And that's where we need your help.

I hope that you would support our mission by making a tax deductible donation and help advance the research for cures. It would be greatly appreciated. Also, please forward this message to as many people as you can to encourage them to donate as well.

Please visit my web site and donate at http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/nikesf12/raphy

You can also check out my training log and progress at http://www.dailymile.com/people/jocel_tablante

Thank you for your support!

Hugs,

Joselita & Raphael Joaquin

GO TEAM!Train. Endure. Achieve.

multitasker anonymous

Having a baby is a humbling experience to a notorious multi-tasker like me. Before I went into maternity leave, I made a list of things to do from home repairs to taking classes and tending to financial stuff. I thought I'd be bored at home watching the baby sleep. It turned out to be quite the opposite of what I expected. I was glued to the baby's every move - from napping, to feeding, to pooping. I can't even go to the bathroom or groom myself the first couple of days unless I hand the baby to my husband or my mom. And of course, all the oxytocin and other hormones partying in my system didn't help either. They made me more emotional and paranoid with how the baby is doing. I get stressed out hearing the baby cry while pumping, which made it more painful to pump. It gets really crazy when I'm super exhausted because that's when I easily fall into tears in frustration when I just can't put the baby to sleep and he's just being fuzzy after I went through the list of what he can possibly want - diaper change, feed, play, nap, etc.

After a while, I just end up realizing that it really takes a village to raise a child. I have to take all kind of help from other people so I can have me-time and be able to run errands and slowly cross off some items on my 'to do' list, if at all possible. I've also been reading new-mom blogs and parenting magazines. One article mentions that moms who embrace the idea that it's a balancing act do better with postpartum depression than those who see themselves as a "can do it all" super-mom.

Since we're planning to take a vacation to the Philippines for a family reunion at the end of the year, I planned on returning to work sooner. Now, I really need to trust other people to take care of our baby and not feel guilty about it. I slowly trained myself to be okay being separated from the baby. I started slow but now, I can actually leave him at my mom's house for a few hours while I run errands. Now, that I'm more relaxed, I'm also starting to be less forgetful and more focused and I think that our baby can sense that. I feel that he's working with me whenever I'm doing something while taking care of him. At this minute, I'm writing this blog while I rock his car seat on the floor and sing to him. He coos back happily with Pandora radio blasting to some french cafe station. Yes, I'm getting more efficient and productive with multitasking and baby Raphael is A-okay.

My social life probably narrows down to texting while in the bathroom and chatting on the phone while doing laundry and marinating meals for dinner but I'm happy that I can go out at least once a week to hang out with friends and go out on a date with my husband without feeling guilty and not sacrificing bonding time with our baby. I still worry about whether or not I'm providing him a good environment that stimulates learning and socialize him enough with his cousins. But now, I understand that having other people help take care of him also provides him a chance to interact and learn from them.

my husband's thoughts on our newborn

When I look at my newborn son during a 3am feeding, I'm enthralled by the wide range of facial expressions. The giggly smile, the furrowed brow, the squished about-to-cry look, and the big-eyed "ooh", all seem to march across his face at random. I wonder what is he thinking? Is he thinking anything? His brain is still basically empty, right? So his imagination and emotions can't really deviate too far from the basics of "me hungry" and "me sleepy." And yet sometimes I can see in that furrowed brow some kind of worrying about the future…even if it is "when can I sleep?" or "what the heck is this itching going to stop?"

I'm probably projecting my thoughts onto Raffy, much as we project human thoughts onto dogs with expressive faces. The difference is that at some point I know my son's thoughts will be his own, and I have a big role in determining how healthy or normal those thoughts will be. So I wonder how to teach him to be everything I want him to be. Namely, happy, friendly, calm, kind, generous, and thoughtful. Teach by example the books say…be the man you want him to be, Ghandi would advise. I would agree. Even if I don't know how he learns things, if I am good man and I spend a lot of time with him, he will be good too.

But I know there is something in Raffy that is already predetermined. Sleeping giants passed down through DNA, waiting to stir given the right stimulus. Hearing a stranger on the street shout could make him timid for years, or seeing two squirrels playing outside our window could make him an extrovert in high school. I believe there are switches in the brain that can be activated. My job as a parent is to try to flip on all the right ones, and switch off the bad ones that are turned on by accident. I will do this to the best of my ability, but as with every parent, my son's actions both right and wrong, will inevitably surprise and frustrate for years to come.

So this my philosophy of how my child will be shaped. Of course I'm not the only one doing the shaping. My wife is the sun and the moon to him right now, and my mother-in-law's voice is more familiar than mine. How does he decide who to listen to for the important stuff? How does he decide what is "home"? Will hearing tagalog give him comfort? Will kisses forever calm him down? What is he learning from these two when I'm not around? Are we teaching him different things and maybe confusing his little brain? Why is he screaming when he was happy 1 second ago? What do you want, little buddy, I wanna help but can't understand you!*

You can see how the questions spiral out of control rather easily. In the end, 3 am will roll around again, and physical exhaustion will signal my brain to rev down. I'll console myself that at least you're thinking about these questions, which is a good sign I love for this guy. But I also know that we can never know exactly how, what, and why he will decide to absorb something and make it a part of his lifelong personality. I can only do my best and leave the rest in God's hands.

*We've since watched Oprah's interview of Priscilla Dunstan on 5 words babies use to communicate and hopefully we'll be able to interpret Raffy's cries better.

the 'unexpecting' world of parenthood

When I was pregnant, my husband and I borrowed and read many books, articles, blogs, etc. I signed up for thebump.com to network and read other new mom's experiences. We attended childbirth preparation classes, caring for newborns, and lactation classes. But, nothing can truly prepare you in becoming new parents.

Our baby was born 10-days late and he was a big baby at 8lbs and 10 oz. I tried to go for natural labor but after two hours in transition without any improvement with the dilation (I was stuck at 7), I had to ask for epidural because it became unbearable with every minute of strong contraction. I think the epidural may have slowed down the labor and it made me stay in bed instead of being able to walk around. My water did not break so they had to break it and my contractions were not strong enough to get the labor going so I was given Pitocin. I had an emergency C-section after 14 hours of labor and about half hour of pushing. The baby's heart started going up and his head started to swell so there is no option other than C-section. If I had to do it again, I would have asked for them to give me less of the epidural so I can still feel some pain. When I was pushing, everyone can already see his head crowning but I can not feel anything and that might be one of the reason why I wasn't able to do a better job pushing.

I also had complications during recovery, they can't get my heart rate down and my blood pressure up. I also lost blood from bleeding and it took them a while to get my uterus down to the right position, by the navel. We were stressed out the last day of stay at the hospital. They had me on iron drip on iv to bring my blood count up. They can't discharge me and I might have to get blood transfusion if my blood count continues to drop. Fortunately, it stabilized a bit the following morning so we were able to go home.

The first week was a big adjustment for my husband and I, even with my mom's help. The baby was awake every 2-3 hours to feed or get his diaper changed and stays up to play. With the pain from surgery, lack of sleep, frustration (when he's being fuzzy), being stuck at home, and just not being able to get things done - I can understand how some moms end up having baby blues or feeling depressed. I started feeling teary and cry for no reason. Thank God for a supportive, understanding husband, a dotting mom, and for having my family close by to help us with running errands. My advice for husbands is to not be as demanding and paranoid, offer as much help, and treat your wife kindly. Hire a help because you'll need one, unless you can handle just being next to the baby all the time and not getting as much sleep and things done. You can enjoy spending time with the baby more if you have some rest so ask and get help, when you can. For couples, snuggle when you can and be loving to each other. Make time to be together, even if you have to bring the baby in the dinner table with you. And celebrate special moments - anniversary, baby's first, etc with each other.

Newborns have a stomach the size of a pebble when they're born but if they want to feed, let them eat. Don't always stick with what the book says. When they cry, just go through the three things they need - milk, diaper change, or sleep. Of course it's different if they're sick. Our baby is actually a good baby. He easily falls asleep when I take him for a walk in a bjorn or when we take him for a car ride. After having a full meal and a good burp, he can sleep for up to 4 hours. But, it's better to wake them up to eat instead of waiting until they're too hungry so they'll be not as fuzzy. We still have to figure out how to relieve his snorting.

Preparing for the baby: Baby necessities

With all the enticing advertisements and baby products out there, it's easy to make the mistake of accumulating too much, and most often, unnecessary stuff even before the baby is born. It's good to make a list of products that might work or read consumer reviews so you'll know which to get when you need it. My husband and I also went to a 'prego palooza' to check out what's out there and get some free samples. It was fun and educational. We learned our options in using cloth diapers and the pricing and services available.

We were fortunate enough to find friends who are willing to hand us down and lend us baby clothes and gears that we'll need, which saved us hundreds of dollars and time in figuring out which will work. Bottom line is that your mommy friends have been through it all so listen to their recommendations and borrow what they tell you will work. Babies outgrow everything too soon and you don't want to keep on filling up space in your garage with more boxes.

Here are some of the things I recommend that you should try to borrow (or find used ones) the first few months:

• infant car seat and folding stroller
• Baby bjorn
  
• boppy nursing pillow (to save your tired arms from holding the baby)
• drying rack for bottles and bottle brush, ice packs
• baby tub
  
• rocking chair or glider
• free infant formula (sign up online and collect coupons)- we loved Similac advanced, which is a soy-based and closer to breast milk
• diaper bag (Kaiser gave us a really nice one with great design and organization)
• pack and play with changing area OR a crib that converts into a toddler bed
  
• baby mobile and a soothing white noise maker
  
• a baby swing (to put him to sleep)
  
• baskets and collapsible, organization boxes/crates for baby clothes and stuff - The Container Store has a lot of choices and very affordable. You might also try to find one for the car.
  
• Best book: Baby 411: Clear Answers & Smart Advice For Your Baby's First Year- check out the local library or Amazon.com
• Diaper Genie - I still have to figure out how to make my own bag or reuse plastic bags since the bags are pretty expensive (2 for ~$15). The best way to save money on disposal bags is to only put diapers with poop in the Diaper Genie. Pee only diapers can go in the regular waste basket since they don't stink.
• Nursing cover, baby blanket, and play quilt or blanket
• baby clothes, bibs, hats, shoes for different months (0-3, 3-6, 6-9, to 12 or 18 months). One reason why you need to keep things organized. Also, prepare for cold weather by stocking up on few thick, warm clothes/jumpers or covers.
  
• Breast pump, except for the accessories (for good hygiene) - membrane/bottle set-up
• baby monitor
  

We had three baby showers. One at home and two from work (at my work and my husbands). Instead of using baby registries, we asked for diapers and baby wipes instead. Other great baby shower gifts are:

• Desitin diaper rash ointment
• Vulli Sophie the Giraffe Teether
• convertible high chair: Fisher-Price EZ Bundle 4-in-1 Baby System
• Safety accessories for cabinets, stair gates, etc.

Double Dip Recession

Lately, I've been avoiding the papers because it's depressing to read. Everything is about the bad economy and how it can only get worse. There are gold jewelry thefts and baseball fans going crazy and picking fights at the stadium. I think that these are the signs of times. People are unhappy and crimes are on a rise. The 28% tuition hike the past few years are unbearable (and unaffordable) to most students. It's bad enough that education in California is in such a bad shape. Now, students who survived the rotten educational system can't even afford to go to college. All these make me feel that California may not be the place to live and send my kids to school in the future. I fear that it will only become more unsafe, more expensive, and more unreasonable to live here.

As much as I love the bay area and the fact that we're doing just fine, I just can't stand how bad things are sometimes that I can't help but start planning (and looking) to moving to another state. As a matter of fact, all I think about when it comes to my kid's future is boarding school and a university outside of California. I don't want to constantly worry about safety and standard of learning.

My Travel Map at TripAdvisor.com

1. Puerto Morelos, Mexico


2. Barcelona, Spain


3. Iguazu National Park, Argentina


4. Valladolid, Mexico


5. Zion National Park, UT, USA


6. Grand Canyon National Park, AZ, USA


7. Rio de Janeiro, Brazil


8. Amalfi, Italy


9. Positano, Italy


10. Paris, France


11. Rome, Italy


12. Vatican City, Italy


13. Malibu, CA, USA


14. Hilo, HI, USA


15. New York City, NY, USA

• Create your own travel map or travel blog


• Search for vacation rentals at TripAdvisor

baby bump

We were in Hawaii when I first had my morning sickness and symptoms that made me feel that I think I may be pregnant. I was always tired and dizzy. It was weird to go snorkeling when the fishes look so psychedelic! It was a trip. We waited until we get home before I got my test done and sure enough, we're pregnant! The first three months were rough - with morning sickness, fatigue, weight gain, food aversion, and nausea. Fortunately, most of it went away by the time I hit my 2nd trimester (14th week), which was a blessing because we have a trip planned for Costa Rica around that week.

I felt wonderful when we were traveling in Costa Rica. We went hiking to La Fortuna waterfalls, checked out warm springs, hanging bridges, Arenal Volcano, and of course, wildlife and birds! I love swimming in the warm water in the sandy beach of Manuel Antonio National Park. My favorite part of the trip is the one that includes zip-lining 9 cables, rappelling, and tarzan swing. It was a great, memorable trip! ... and we only spent ~$500 each for one week. We got our airfare free from AAdvantage points we saved up and since it's off season, we got away with good deals on lodging,local transportation, and some tours. Food was a little expensive but didn't burn too much hole in our pockets.

The past few months, we've been busy attending weddings, birthdays, get-togethers, and working on our yard. It's great and make time flies. I'm doing my best to not feel bored. That's when I start feeling all the pain and weird stuff from the changes that my body's going through. I'm now on my 20th week and we just found out that we're having a boy! We're so happy and always praying for a safe, healthy baby and delivery. I hear many stories from friends and co-workers and I hope that I'll have an easier time with no complication. I have 3 different due dates - Nov 16, 18, or 23rd. I hope it'll be before Thanksgiving. I really want to spend Thanksgiving at home with family and friends.

Most of the time, I find myself counting days. I've already made a list of other things that can keep me preoccupied: gardening, working on my photobook projects & travel blogs, house work, cooking, and of course - exercise. I have a house blessing to take care of this month of July, on top of the Saturday birthdays that we have to go to. Summer is here and although there are a lot of things I can't do, I'm sure I can always go swimming or hang out at the beach or bbq with friends.

home sweet home...

After three months of working with couple of lenders (LendingTree.com & Fremont Bank), we finally got our loan for a house in Pacheco that we made an offer to last November. Since we're trying to start a family, we figured it might be worth it to live closer to my folks despite of the longer work commute (and rising cost of gas). Also, it was a great investment with a low $/sqft and the house is very lovely and spacious. The previous owners really took pride of their ownership. Even the home inspector can't help but admire the additions and works they have done to the house. The garage is basically the only project that we've had to take care of at this point.

Getting the loan was an exhausting process. I had a hard time qualifying with my brother because I already own a house and my income is not high enough to cover two mortgages. Since I just recently started renting out my place in Hilltop, I don't have the income stated on my tax forms yet. It was hard to show to them that the rents pretty much covered the mortgage and expenses at that house. Fortunately, my uncle, who is also my real estate broker, helped me negotiate the terms of the loan and process the paperwork. I had to put down a huge down payment but at the end, I'm happy with our low, fixed rate (4.75% for 30 yrs) and from the commission I received from the sale. I love my uncle. He has always been there for me - as a mentor, a friend, and the sweetest and funniest uncle one can ever have. He has such an adorable family, too.

We've started packing and moving our things. Fortunately, after consolidating our stuff, we have enough furniture that we just have to find couple of used ones from Craiglist to furnish the rest of the house.