Life of Pi - living with the tiger(s)

I enjoyed the Life of Pi very much on 3D. The effects really brought things to life. It made me wonder what it'll be like to spend days in the middle of the ocean - watching the skies be one with the water, witnessing the beauty of marine life, and experiencing the fluorescent glows of planktons and jellyfish. It will be quite an experience. How come I don't hear cruise ships rave about these things?

I applaud the movie for bringing religion in the spotlight as something integral to one's existence. That it's acceptable to be in any religion as long as you understand and truly believe in it. I personally think that spirituality is a lifetime quest. The answer is within each person and it's okay to have doubts and to question. That's how we grow just as we gain knowledge from examining facts.  We are gifted with wisdom to guide as through this journey. And I believe in a forgiving Father who would be happy seeing His children grow in faith than blindly accepting ritualistic ceremonies and not understand the real meaning of His Words.

What struck me the most in this movie was what the tiger represents, which is anything or anyone that you see as an obstacle in your life. I felt like I finally understood why there are people and situations in our lives that make us feel miserable. I used to think that "if only so-and-so is not in my life", "if only I have great parents" or "if only I was born to this and that" ... I would have achieved my greatest potential or would be much happier, etc.  All these wishful thinking were once what I thought would make a great difference in my life. But, I was wrong.

Everyone and everything that I despised and viewed as a hindrance in the past were all that made me who I am today. They were my inspirations and the source of my strength. There are some who made me aware of what I do NOT want myself to be. Some challenged me to prove my strength and character. Still others, kept me going - thinking that I can one day be so far away from them as possible. But, that can never happen. The lessons I learned from people and experiences would always be in my memory and they would forever be my teachers. I found the sense of gratitude, happiness, closure, and acceptance from this realization. I think I also finally learned to forgive those whom I've held grudge against. I can now honestly say that I'm proud of everyone who has been a part of my life and made it beautiful, bountiful, and meaningful.

plate half empty

Whenever people ask me why I wanted to run a marathon at this stage of my life, where between working, taking care of a baby, running the household, and managing a rental property takes most of my time, I smile and think of all the wonderful things that my training has done for me.

I lost blood when I gave birth and I'm still anemic and has low blood pressure to this day. Being a new mom is exhausting and soon enough, I have back pain and tendonitis on my wrist. Then, I'm back at work after three months and was stressed out from studying for ASCP-M exam. Fortunately, I passed! I'm pretty sure I can credit running for this, too. For keeping me sane and healthy.

Few months ago, I started exercising again so I can feel the "good pain". I miss the feeling of being sore after a good work out. Then, my husband and I hiked more to prepare for Yosemite's Half Dome. Next thing I know, I'm signing up for a marathon. These days, I'm even thinking of doing a triathlon for my next major event (maybe after kid#2). It's amazing how things just snowball into bigger and greater goals.

Initially, I just want to do it for my health and to do a fundraising with my baby - that way I can start building good karma for him. The more cancer patients I meet and stories I hear, the more I get drawn into really putting all my efforts and pulling my inspiration from raising funds to find cure for blood cancers. This whole experience has given me so much more than what I have given back. Running gave me the sense of freedom (me time), strength, energy from the feel-good adrenaline, and shaped my character and personality. I met new friends and aspire to inspire people to live healthy and R-U-N!

I'm fortunate to have a supportive family who can help me with the baby and let me have the time I need to train. Above all, I'm thankful to all the family and friends for their kindness and generosity in helping me raise funds for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. May God bless their heart :)

a run to find a cure for blood cancer

Hi folks!
I am raising funds for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS) as a participant in their Team In Training program for the Nike Women's Marathon in San Francisco on October 14, 2012. We are raising funds to help stop leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin lymphoma and myeloma from taking more lives.

I am completing this sports endurance event in honor of all individuals who are fighting blood cancers. I dedicated myself in this cause in honor of my grandfather who lost his battle with cancer in 1994. I looked up to him as if he's my own father growing up. He has the biggest heart that goes out to the poor. Now that I'm a new mom, I realized that my son and the future generation might face the same challenges in finding cure for blood cancer. I'm also running on behalf of our honorees and in memory of those who have found peace. You would be inspired by their stories and commitment to find the cure. Whenever I think I just can't run anymore, I think of them and of how our fundraising can help finance the search for cure and give more hope to those who are affected by blood cancers.

This cause is for everyone who understands why we are in a race with time in finding a cure and how it can save lives. Success cannot be achieved without work and we can't work towards our mission without funding. And that's where we need your help.

I hope that you would support our mission by making a tax deductible donation and help advance the research for cures. It would be greatly appreciated. Also, please forward this message to as many people as you can to encourage them to donate as well.

Please visit my web site and donate at http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/nikesf12/raphy

You can also check out my training log and progress at http://www.dailymile.com/people/jocel_tablante

Thank you for your support!

Hugs,

Joselita & Raphael Joaquin

GO TEAM!Train. Endure. Achieve.

multitasker anonymous

Having a baby is a humbling experience to a notorious multi-tasker like me. Before I went into maternity leave, I made a list of things to do from home repairs to taking classes and tending to financial stuff. I thought I'd be bored at home watching the baby sleep. It turned out to be quite the opposite of what I expected. I was glued to the baby's every move - from napping, to feeding, to pooping. I can't even go to the bathroom or groom myself the first couple of days unless I hand the baby to my husband or my mom. And of course, all the oxytocin and other hormones partying in my system didn't help either. They made me more emotional and paranoid with how the baby is doing. I get stressed out hearing the baby cry while pumping, which made it more painful to pump. It gets really crazy when I'm super exhausted because that's when I easily fall into tears in frustration when I just can't put the baby to sleep and he's just being fuzzy after I went through the list of what he can possibly want - diaper change, feed, play, nap, etc.

After a while, I just end up realizing that it really takes a village to raise a child. I have to take all kind of help from other people so I can have me-time and be able to run errands and slowly cross off some items on my 'to do' list, if at all possible. I've also been reading new-mom blogs and parenting magazines. One article mentions that moms who embrace the idea that it's a balancing act do better with postpartum depression than those who see themselves as a "can do it all" super-mom.

Since we're planning to take a vacation to the Philippines for a family reunion at the end of the year, I planned on returning to work sooner. Now, I really need to trust other people to take care of our baby and not feel guilty about it. I slowly trained myself to be okay being separated from the baby. I started slow but now, I can actually leave him at my mom's house for a few hours while I run errands. Now, that I'm more relaxed, I'm also starting to be less forgetful and more focused and I think that our baby can sense that. I feel that he's working with me whenever I'm doing something while taking care of him. At this minute, I'm writing this blog while I rock his car seat on the floor and sing to him. He coos back happily with Pandora radio blasting to some french cafe station. Yes, I'm getting more efficient and productive with multitasking and baby Raphael is A-okay.

My social life probably narrows down to texting while in the bathroom and chatting on the phone while doing laundry and marinating meals for dinner but I'm happy that I can go out at least once a week to hang out with friends and go out on a date with my husband without feeling guilty and not sacrificing bonding time with our baby. I still worry about whether or not I'm providing him a good environment that stimulates learning and socialize him enough with his cousins. But now, I understand that having other people help take care of him also provides him a chance to interact and learn from them.

my husband's thoughts on our newborn

When I look at my newborn son during a 3am feeding, I'm enthralled by the wide range of facial expressions. The giggly smile, the furrowed brow, the squished about-to-cry look, and the big-eyed "ooh", all seem to march across his face at random. I wonder what is he thinking? Is he thinking anything? His brain is still basically empty, right? So his imagination and emotions can't really deviate too far from the basics of "me hungry" and "me sleepy." And yet sometimes I can see in that furrowed brow some kind of worrying about the future…even if it is "when can I sleep?" or "what the heck is this itching going to stop?"

I'm probably projecting my thoughts onto Raffy, much as we project human thoughts onto dogs with expressive faces. The difference is that at some point I know my son's thoughts will be his own, and I have a big role in determining how healthy or normal those thoughts will be. So I wonder how to teach him to be everything I want him to be. Namely, happy, friendly, calm, kind, generous, and thoughtful. Teach by example the books say…be the man you want him to be, Ghandi would advise. I would agree. Even if I don't know how he learns things, if I am good man and I spend a lot of time with him, he will be good too.

But I know there is something in Raffy that is already predetermined. Sleeping giants passed down through DNA, waiting to stir given the right stimulus. Hearing a stranger on the street shout could make him timid for years, or seeing two squirrels playing outside our window could make him an extrovert in high school. I believe there are switches in the brain that can be activated. My job as a parent is to try to flip on all the right ones, and switch off the bad ones that are turned on by accident. I will do this to the best of my ability, but as with every parent, my son's actions both right and wrong, will inevitably surprise and frustrate for years to come.

So this my philosophy of how my child will be shaped. Of course I'm not the only one doing the shaping. My wife is the sun and the moon to him right now, and my mother-in-law's voice is more familiar than mine. How does he decide who to listen to for the important stuff? How does he decide what is "home"? Will hearing tagalog give him comfort? Will kisses forever calm him down? What is he learning from these two when I'm not around? Are we teaching him different things and maybe confusing his little brain? Why is he screaming when he was happy 1 second ago? What do you want, little buddy, I wanna help but can't understand you!*

You can see how the questions spiral out of control rather easily. In the end, 3 am will roll around again, and physical exhaustion will signal my brain to rev down. I'll console myself that at least you're thinking about these questions, which is a good sign I love for this guy. But I also know that we can never know exactly how, what, and why he will decide to absorb something and make it a part of his lifelong personality. I can only do my best and leave the rest in God's hands.

*We've since watched Oprah's interview of Priscilla Dunstan on 5 words babies use to communicate and hopefully we'll be able to interpret Raffy's cries better.