Back at work from maternity leave and struggling to get things together between work, taking care of the kiddos, and myself. Two babies later, I have a deep appreciation of personal time. I can't even go to the bathroom without wondering what my 2-yr old is up to and praying he's not putting the blanket over his 4-month old sister. But they are the most precious thing to me and it's like falling in love all over again. You will make all the sacrifices and more in exchange of just knowing that they are safe, healthy, and happy. Okay... the slobbery kisses, hugs, and darnest things they say make a lot of difference :)
But, everytime I look in the mirror and see those tired eyebags and how sloppy I look in the morning after restless night shifts and stumbling around, I can't help ask - "Did I make the right decisions?" I can't help but reminisce how fun it was when I was single. Everything is exactly where and how I want them to be - a squeaky, clean, organize house with minimal expenses. Nowadays, I'll be lucky to have a day without losing my eyeglasses or finding things exactly where I left them (or where they're supposed to be). When I go shopping, I go home with mostly kids' stuff - diapers, clothes, baby gears, etc. Not to mention that daycare expenses take a huge chunk off my paycheck.
My husband does his best on being a dad. With kids, our relationship goes on a side line. We manage to escape for a short day trip on special occasions. But, day to day becomes a matter of making it on time at work and pick ups. Night time is all about planning for what the kids will need the next day. Makes you wonder how most marriages thrive and couples get to have a robust relationship.
I try to keep my personal interests going - ripstik, running, rollerblading, dancing, and browsing pinterest for creative ideas. I always have an eye (and ear) for investing - no matter how bad I get with some of them. I have to admit, I've made mistakes and questionable decisions in the past that I still regret. But, I get impulsive in investing and between family distractions and lack of rest, I make bad calls sometimes. But, no matter how stressful the stock market gets, I can't stay away. Just have to live with the consequence and hope that luck will be in my favor.
Any physical activities that will give me an adrenaline high is worth the pain. I'm not too anxious with postnatal weight loss. Although with my sister's wedding in July fast approaching, it's starting to feel like a goal I need set.
On top of everything else, I can't help but plan my next trip or a get together hike with friends. My mind is like a training coach that won't shut up. Always asking what's next, what's best, what's on the To Do list, options, ideas, etc. Then, there's the occasional criticizing and loathing of people around you just because you need to point a finger on someone when you're having such a horrible time dealing with all these stuff. Aaargh! You see - I'm a BIG mess.
If I am to work on a resolution this year - it'll be to quiet and calm my brain and just live healthy, not worrying about expectations and retirement and saving more money. It's annoying and might not be even worth it since who knows how the economy will screw you up in the future. They always do and the average people always pay the steepest price. In this mess up society where the priority is NOT on things that matter (health care, education, global warming, etc) - you can see why I'm a mess.
I bought this gorgeous white crochet top and hung it among my favorite frocks. It's hard to find cool plus-size goods (much less crocheted designs like th...