Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Matters of the heart

I feel the necessity to have a full control on both my heart and my brain. These are the trickiest and the most mysterious, spontaneous, involuntary entities that I often find myself struggling to deal with. They're a part of the battle within on top of the everyday reality that I have to face. My brain often knows what's logical and right but my heart is too stubborn and impatient to bear with the pain and other consequences of doing what is right.
For me, falling in love is the most difficult emotion because it involves another person or people and it's often entangled in a lot of negative emotions and experience such as jealousy, lust, and selfishness as well as adjusting to the other person's personality and making sacrifices. By the way, why did the deadly sins have to exist and be released from Pandora's box? Maybe, it's the name of these sins that made them exist and persist ~ pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed, and sloth. I wonder if they will slowly vanish if we rename them with positive virtues. How will you feel if you start calling Monday Friday? Perhaps, it will be like a placebo effect. It will great if we can reduce all the negativity in the world, if not make them disappear. However, I once read that it's the negative things that make you appreciate positive things the most. For example, it's loneliness that makes you appreciate happiness. Anyway, as I was saying, Love is the sweetest thing but it can also put you in misery. When there is another person involved, expect things to be unpredictable and no matter how simple you want your life to be, it will always be complicated. Being unique as everyone is, people will always have their own agenda and some will less likely to reciprocate and care or compromise. But you have to understand that love is a living element on its own. It also needs constant nurturing, discipline, change, communication - like a little child. It has needs and it has to grow.
They say that opposites attract. It's funny why your heart sometimes pick the wrong person to fall in-love with. Why do good guys end up with a bad partner? Why are there love triangles? Why can't we find and fall in-love with the right person who truly love us instead of wasting our time with the other person who doesn't even have a heart? Is it because we see it as a challenge or is it just an "infatuation" that makes some falls out-of-love as fast as they fell in-love?
Learning to discipline yourself with matters of the heart is a slow and difficult process. First, you need to have a separate life and space to grow. Never invest 100% of your self in a relationship. It shouldn't be an emotional investment that can crumble your world when things fall apart. You should always pursue what you want in your life and never lose your sense of independence. Do not rely as much on your partner for comfort, companionship, emotional support, happiness, etc. You can always have those by maintaining a big circle of family and friends and being an active part of their lives. Second, learn from your mistakes and communicate in order to resolve problems instead of letting them rot in a ball of grudge. Finally, if they happen to break your heart, don't be afraid to face the truth or to give another relationship a chance just because of fears and painful memories. If you're afraid of being dumped or cheated on, it won't help. It will only make it difficult to establish trust in your new relationship. Self-fulfilling prophecies tend to sabotage the relationship than fix it. Besides, if something is meant to happen, it will happen - no matter how hard you try to make things work. Why? Because that other person has a mind and set of hormones of their own and they'll use them as they please.
Finding happiness and being in-love is priceless. Live with less worries of what the future will bring and enjoy what is here and now. One of my goals is to really be the boss of me ~ to always be in full control of my thoughts and emotions. To take advantage of all the great things that love can bring - inspiration, joy, passion; and avoid the negative stuff - jealousy, anger, etc. This is definitely an achievement that can last a lifetime.

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