Monday, May 7, 2007

What Drives you? Luck/Chances, Motivation/Inspiration, Passion, Courage... Love? Etc.

The more I think about the changes that's going on in my life, the more I tend to be scared of how things will turn out in the future. Everyday when I wake up, I just wanted to be a better person than I was the day before. It sounds simple but, usually it's the simplest things in life that's harder to accomplish. Example: a simple, happy, harmonious family surrounded by love and faith (no divorce, no ungrateful kids). It sounds cheezy, I know. Not everyone wants the same thing and even if you do, a 'change of heart' can happen anytime and re-shuffle your priorities and goals. At any second of everyday, we should keep an eye on those circumstances that may come our way and provide us with opportunities to make a difference (in our lives or to others). Sometimes, that's all it takes to bring your life into a different light.
I left behind a 9-year relationship with one thing in mind - I wanted a new life, be a better, more successful person, surround myself with more positivity, live life the way I should and because... I'm tired of the dead-end relationship. The story of my love life had always been the same~ Fall-in-love, be the ideal girlfriend, guy cheats, I still hold on until I just can't take it anymore. Then, finally have all the reasons to leave, guy tries to win you back, you start feeling sorry for him... but, it's too late. I'm really not the forgiving type. I forget but, I don't forgive. I don't hold grudge against people who did me wrong, I just don't let them back into my life. I'm an avid fan of sweet revenge. It's hard to be nice when you're hurting inside but, at the end... it's what make them realize that they might never find anyone else like you. The bottom line: it always pays to be a good person and it pays in different ways. Now that I've finally had the courage to leave my past relationship behind, I sometimes think that I should have just stayed and "enjoy the fruits of my labor". I've molded my ex-bf into a better man by making him change in order to rescue our relationship. His future gf should thank me for that. So, why should I leave now? Maybe I just really fell out-of-love with him or maybe, I'm walking in a different avenue ~ where he can't follow or be a part of. It's scary to change your life 180 degrees. To have new sets of friends with a completely different attitude and perspective in life, to set bigger goals, and try to shoot for the highest star. It's hard, specially when you feel alone in the process. It's hard to confide on people who do not know you well or just don't understand the reasons behind it all.
This morning, I read in the paper about this 75 year old lady who became the first "documented" African American woman in North Pole. Stories like that inspire me to just be bold and take the bull by the horn. Not to fear tomorrow, since it might not come. To make the most of everyday so I don't have to look back someday and have regrets. Sigh* I just really need to put more effort into materializing my plans and keeping them in sight.
There are times that I feel that I should be more proactive with choices I make and not pay as much attention to what other people think or try to make decisions that will please everyone, even at my own expense. I wanted to have more control on what I'm doing and actually have a structure or plan of where I'm heading. There are times that I try to juggle so many things at the same time because I think that I can be "superwoman" and that maybe I do better under more pressure and more work... but, you can never serve so many masters at the same time. Sooner or later, things will start to burn you out and drain off your energy. You'll never finish or be really good on at least one thing. So, focus and concentrate. Organize your thoughts and follow a plan, that should start your day on the right track. Love and care for yourself since you're stuck with it 'till the end. Share your life with the world and be open to experience what it have to offer.

No comments:

Post a Comment