Faces

Each time I put on some make-up, my nieces always have a grin on their faces because they knew that I'll doll them up with glitters & colors in their faces, too. But, this night is different... we just want to be barbarians and Amazons and celebrate Halloween a 'lil early. So, we put a ton of old make up on our face and roared the night away!

My one and only mom - Happy Mother's Day!

We have a new addition to our family - my nephew, John Peter. I love his cute little face! My brother gets mad at me whenever I call him Mickey. You should see him smiLe, he looks like Mickey Mouse! Okay, stop it! Can't wait until he starts crawling, walking, and running and I'll have more kids to play with. Weee! Hey, don't get me wrong, I'm just a kid at heart.
I love my mom... sooO much! She's the sweetest and kindest person I'll ever have in my life. I don't think anyone can care and love me more than she does. She calls me just to say "God bless you" and "I love you". Sometimes, she tells me how bad she feels when she spends more of her time taking care of my older brothers' family and kids instead of taking care of me. So, she takes the bus to my house once or twice a week and buys me some good Filipino goodies and "Cinnabon" for late afternoon treats. I love seeing that Cinnabon box in my table when I go home because I know that she's there. Then, there are times when she thinks that I probably have too many bills and mortgage to pay that she keeps on giving me money and I end up saying, "MOM! I'm okay! You're the one who needs money for your retirement..."
I keep on telling her to just rest and relax when she stays at the house because that's the only time that she's free from cleaning or taking care of kids. But, she just won't listen. She always has the urge to clean every speck of dirt and move around the plants in the garden. A lot of my stuff gets shuffled around when she visits. Sometimes, I don't even know if I'm in my own house when I get home. But, I can't thank God enough for giving me my mom and my Kuya Dennis and all the people who care about me and make my life happier! Lord, please give them a longer and healthier life...

Matters of the heart

I feel the necessity to have a full control on both my heart and my brain. These are the trickiest and the most mysterious, spontaneous, involuntary entities that I often find myself struggling to deal with. They're a part of the battle within on top of the everyday reality that I have to face. My brain often knows what's logical and right but my heart is too stubborn and impatient to bear with the pain and other consequences of doing what is right.
For me, falling in love is the most difficult emotion because it involves another person or people and it's often entangled in a lot of negative emotions and experience such as jealousy, lust, and selfishness as well as adjusting to the other person's personality and making sacrifices. By the way, why did the deadly sins have to exist and be released from Pandora's box? Maybe, it's the name of these sins that made them exist and persist ~ pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed, and sloth. I wonder if they will slowly vanish if we rename them with positive virtues. How will you feel if you start calling Monday Friday? Perhaps, it will be like a placebo effect. It will great if we can reduce all the negativity in the world, if not make them disappear. However, I once read that it's the negative things that make you appreciate positive things the most. For example, it's loneliness that makes you appreciate happiness. Anyway, as I was saying, Love is the sweetest thing but it can also put you in misery. When there is another person involved, expect things to be unpredictable and no matter how simple you want your life to be, it will always be complicated. Being unique as everyone is, people will always have their own agenda and some will less likely to reciprocate and care or compromise. But you have to understand that love is a living element on its own. It also needs constant nurturing, discipline, change, communication - like a little child. It has needs and it has to grow.
They say that opposites attract. It's funny why your heart sometimes pick the wrong person to fall in-love with. Why do good guys end up with a bad partner? Why are there love triangles? Why can't we find and fall in-love with the right person who truly love us instead of wasting our time with the other person who doesn't even have a heart? Is it because we see it as a challenge or is it just an "infatuation" that makes some falls out-of-love as fast as they fell in-love?
Learning to discipline yourself with matters of the heart is a slow and difficult process. First, you need to have a separate life and space to grow. Never invest 100% of your self in a relationship. It shouldn't be an emotional investment that can crumble your world when things fall apart. You should always pursue what you want in your life and never lose your sense of independence. Do not rely as much on your partner for comfort, companionship, emotional support, happiness, etc. You can always have those by maintaining a big circle of family and friends and being an active part of their lives. Second, learn from your mistakes and communicate in order to resolve problems instead of letting them rot in a ball of grudge. Finally, if they happen to break your heart, don't be afraid to face the truth or to give another relationship a chance just because of fears and painful memories. If you're afraid of being dumped or cheated on, it won't help. It will only make it difficult to establish trust in your new relationship. Self-fulfilling prophecies tend to sabotage the relationship than fix it. Besides, if something is meant to happen, it will happen - no matter how hard you try to make things work. Why? Because that other person has a mind and set of hormones of their own and they'll use them as they please.
Finding happiness and being in-love is priceless. Live with less worries of what the future will bring and enjoy what is here and now. One of my goals is to really be the boss of me ~ to always be in full control of my thoughts and emotions. To take advantage of all the great things that love can bring - inspiration, joy, passion; and avoid the negative stuff - jealousy, anger, etc. This is definitely an achievement that can last a lifetime.

Stacks of Rocks

I've always been fascinated with rock formations, mostly those from volcanic eruptions. No wonder I easily fell in love with rock climbing. Rocks have their own uniqueness from texture, color, strength, composition, and where they can be found. I've always associated rocks/pebbles/stones with strength. Even "Narda" (Philippine 'Wonder Woman' character)have to swallow a piece of rock to transform into "Darna!". And what do they call diamond engagement rings? A giant piece of rock! Rock rocks! So, last Sunday, we were at Emeryville marina and decided to mess around with smaller pieces of rocks and play "Jenga" with it. Awesome! Can't believe I was able to pile them up that high... check out the base, too! Staring at that piece of art, I can't help appreciate the beauty a unison makes. That stack of rocks is definitely fragile but it looks amazing from a distance ~ the incredible balance and how each piece supports the other. No matter how much stress and pressure are placed by gravity and wind on those rocks at that moment, the beauty of it takes all those worries away. In reality, balance, unity, and harmony in our lives can definitely hush away any sorrow, pain, and other imperfections. Positivity will always radiate the most and bring enough light to overcome darkness/negativities.

What Drives you? Luck/Chances, Motivation/Inspiration, Passion, Courage... Love? Etc.

The more I think about the changes that's going on in my life, the more I tend to be scared of how things will turn out in the future. Everyday when I wake up, I just wanted to be a better person than I was the day before. It sounds simple but, usually it's the simplest things in life that's harder to accomplish. Example: a simple, happy, harmonious family surrounded by love and faith (no divorce, no ungrateful kids). It sounds cheezy, I know. Not everyone wants the same thing and even if you do, a 'change of heart' can happen anytime and re-shuffle your priorities and goals. At any second of everyday, we should keep an eye on those circumstances that may come our way and provide us with opportunities to make a difference (in our lives or to others). Sometimes, that's all it takes to bring your life into a different light.
I left behind a 9-year relationship with one thing in mind - I wanted a new life, be a better, more successful person, surround myself with more positivity, live life the way I should and because... I'm tired of the dead-end relationship. The story of my love life had always been the same~ Fall-in-love, be the ideal girlfriend, guy cheats, I still hold on until I just can't take it anymore. Then, finally have all the reasons to leave, guy tries to win you back, you start feeling sorry for him... but, it's too late. I'm really not the forgiving type. I forget but, I don't forgive. I don't hold grudge against people who did me wrong, I just don't let them back into my life. I'm an avid fan of sweet revenge. It's hard to be nice when you're hurting inside but, at the end... it's what make them realize that they might never find anyone else like you. The bottom line: it always pays to be a good person and it pays in different ways. Now that I've finally had the courage to leave my past relationship behind, I sometimes think that I should have just stayed and "enjoy the fruits of my labor". I've molded my ex-bf into a better man by making him change in order to rescue our relationship. His future gf should thank me for that. So, why should I leave now? Maybe I just really fell out-of-love with him or maybe, I'm walking in a different avenue ~ where he can't follow or be a part of. It's scary to change your life 180 degrees. To have new sets of friends with a completely different attitude and perspective in life, to set bigger goals, and try to shoot for the highest star. It's hard, specially when you feel alone in the process. It's hard to confide on people who do not know you well or just don't understand the reasons behind it all.
This morning, I read in the paper about this 75 year old lady who became the first "documented" African American woman in North Pole. Stories like that inspire me to just be bold and take the bull by the horn. Not to fear tomorrow, since it might not come. To make the most of everyday so I don't have to look back someday and have regrets. Sigh* I just really need to put more effort into materializing my plans and keeping them in sight.
There are times that I feel that I should be more proactive with choices I make and not pay as much attention to what other people think or try to make decisions that will please everyone, even at my own expense. I wanted to have more control on what I'm doing and actually have a structure or plan of where I'm heading. There are times that I try to juggle so many things at the same time because I think that I can be "superwoman" and that maybe I do better under more pressure and more work... but, you can never serve so many masters at the same time. Sooner or later, things will start to burn you out and drain off your energy. You'll never finish or be really good on at least one thing. So, focus and concentrate. Organize your thoughts and follow a plan, that should start your day on the right track. Love and care for yourself since you're stuck with it 'till the end. Share your life with the world and be open to experience what it have to offer.

I "heart" San Francisco